Froze Toes: A Thrice-Told Tale
Women’s Cat 4
As I stood in the stall of the “girls” room at the Two Mile Prairie Elementary School, I did not realize that the third layer I was cramming under my jersey would serve me in more ways than warmth.
As Cory, Kube, Steph, Alice, a bunch of Ghisallo girls, a couple of other random riders, and I lined up for the Cat 4 women’s race, we weren’t sure what to expect. “Neutral start and then the race will begin at the start/finish line” were the instructions given by the race marshal. As we approached the start line, I mentally prepared myself for a surge of speed. Nothing. “This is a race, isn’t it?” I asked the rider next to me. There was more braking in the first 15 miles of this race than a trip down Kingshighway at rush hour. The pace was enough to bore one to tears.
My boredom was suddenly broken by a rider I am going to call Kaboom. Kaboom must have done roller derby in a past life and held her line in a fashion similar to that of the Tazmanian Devil. I know I could be accused of the pot calling the kettle black here but you had to see it to believe it. I saw a sudden flash of red as Kaboom bounced off the right side of my handlebar. “Sorry!” was the call from Kaboom. “No worries” I replied.
A few miles down the road, my second encounter with Kaboom took place when she went down in front of me and I ran over her rear wheel. The resulting somersault would have made Mary Lou Retton proud. As I got back on my bike and looked over at Kaboom, I noticed her rear wheel was dangling on her chain. “Ya okay?” I asked. “Yeah,” she replied. I guess that’s the end of her ride was what I was thinking.
I caught back up to the pack and tried to resume my focus. Maybe 10 minutes later, I looked over my right bruised shoulder only to find my nemesis. It was Kaboom! What the f%&#! “Sorry for knocking you down,” she said. “It happens,” I replied. Moments later I looked over my shoulder to see Kaboom endoing over her handlebars in what looked to be a very nasty self-induced crash. With her boomerangesque qualities, however, Kaboom was back with us in a couple miles. Amazing! Simply freaking amazing!
We all pulled right to let some of the 1-2 men go by and I found myself behind Kaboom. Sh#t! It is really hard to pass a wildly swerving object. I sat nervously behind her knowing I was a sitting duck for another mishap. I saw her swerve for her water bottle. “We’re goin down again!” I thought to myself. Then she felt the urge to gel and pitched the empty Gu over her shoulder. I ducked to avoid the flying foil. We were 2 miles from the finish when she began swerving and searching for another Gu in her back pocket. What ran through my mind at this point was “Christ we are 2 miles from the finish! You don’t need the f’ing Gu that bad! Get both hands back on the bars! You’re gonna f’ing kill me!”
I had a sinking feeling that being stuck behind Kaboom was going to be my demise. Nonetheless, I hunkered down for the ensuing sprint. Kaboom! I looked up to see several bikes and riders laying on the ground in front of me. No doubt Kaboom had something to do with this! I veered left to avoid the riders and bikes. Moments later I ran out of pavement and headed down a ditch head first. Fortunately the ground was kind of marshy. My neck got a little twisted but I was okay. I got my chain back on and pseudosprinted the remaining 200 yards.
As I crossed the line, I felt more like a prize fighter than a cyclist. The utter irony of this whole situation is that I think Kaboom went on to win the race! Hats off to Kaboom. She demonstrated the resiliency of a Sherman tank. I guess the moral of this whole story is to stay ahead of squirrels. Alice did so and finished 2nd. Way to go Alice!
Time for a beer. Talk to ya later.
BR
Women’s Open 
A bunch of Team Rev women made the trip to Columbia, MO on Sunday for Froze Toes, a 31 mile road race. It was sunny but cold (low 30′s) and there was some decent wind, too. I decided to race in the open division (as opposed to the Cat 4 race), which in hindsight, turned out to be a very good decision. I found out later that the 4′s race was riddled with crashes.
Normally I get really nervous before a race but for some reason I felt pretty calm as I waited for the neutral roll out. My goals were pretty simple: ride as smart as possible and get a feel for where my fitness level is. The pack started out in a double paceline and I was feeling pretty good. It was really nice to see some familiar faces and jerseys around me. There were a couple of attacks but nothing significant, and I held on.
About 35 minutes into it things got a bit more heated and try as I might I couldn’t stay on. I rode alone for a bit before a couple of Big Shark riders caught me. I was relieved that we could work together and share the work. But, since there were two of them and only one of me, I knew they’d put the screws to me eventually, which they did.
One of BS girls attacked on one of the small hills on the backside and I didn’t have the juice to catch her. A bit later, the other BS girl attacked, but I reeled her back in and we finished the last couple of miles together. And then I was sitting on her wheel for the big sprint finish and I…………blew it. I wasn’t where I needed to be mentally and I screwed it up. I’m glad it was just the first race of the season.
Man, I learned a lot on Sunday. Man, I have a lot to learn.
-Baby Beavis
Follow Car POV 
Before the first race of ’08, I puked. It was my first race. I was nervous. And I have a weak stomach.
I much preferred my start of local racing in 2009 – from the comfort of my car full of wheels behind the women’s open field. No puking. No wind. No froze toes. Sweet.
I hadn’t planned to be the follow vehicle, but as we drove to the start of the race and Chris explained that the position would probably be available AND the alternative would be waiting at the start/finish, Traci and I happily volunteered. Lisa completed our follow car trio. After attending a quick meeting to learn about the follow car duties, we positioned ourselves near the start and collected the wheels.
The start was a bit confusing but we managed to insert ourselves between the women’s open field and the juniors. The head official gave the women some instructions and sent them on their way. We followed.
We watched a rotating double paceline form. We saw attacks being made and covered. We saw a hotly debated yellow line violation and, per our instructions, took note of the offenders’ number. We witnessed chatting among the riders. We passed our first stranded rider waiting for the sweep vehicle.
The size of the group dwindled as riders, one by one, got dropped. Our instructions required us to stay with the main group, and as we passed each dropped rider, Traci and Lisa called out words of encouragement.
Eventually, only six remained – three from Mercy, Chris and Carrie representing Rev and Molly from Mesa. The pace remained high and the racing active.
We saw a break of three gain about 100 feet. The remaining three bridged up, and suddenly Michelle (Mercy) attacked. The field let her go. We stayed with the five, sure that they would catch Michelle, but as her lead grew, we left the five beyond hot on her pursuit.
It took longer to catch Michelle than we had anticipated. Her pace had never slowed, and we watched as she picked off riders one at a time. We saw her cross the finish line alone and double back to the 200m line to watch her teammates contest the field sprint.
We missed Carrie and Chris cross the line — for safety reasons, we had to double back and park near the start — but cheered loudly (sans car) as Teresa and the other Rev girls in the Women’s 4 duked it out down the finishing stretch.
I’m not sure how many opportunities I’ll have to be the follow car, in an official capacity, throughout the season. It’s a tough vantage point to beat, and I’m afraid it may have spoiled me for the spectating that’s to come.
xo. Snuffleupagus
(race day photos courtesy of John Musselman / stlbiking.com)
Category: Big Ring
I have to say one thing, BR…laughter as medicine is sooooo UNDERrated. You made my morning! I haven’t had that kind of laugh in a long time. Wheezing here, a snort there, my sides ached. Now…lets get that girl to the racing 101 clinic.
Baby Beavis…we are proud that you opted to ride in the open race. Sometimes it is a hard decision to put yourself on the ropes and accept the challenge. Those sort of challenges will only make you a stronger competitor and we welcome that always.
Snuf-Thank you for using your gas to ensure that the women’s open field had wheels had there been any flats. I am sure the leader appreciated it as well. You are correct in that the vantage point couldn’t get any better unless on a motorbike. The feedback and vantage point notes are always helpful to all participants for learning and critiquing. Thanks again to you all.
Cash
Ok…seriously BR!! I just LMAO!!!!, cried…couldn’t read bc of the “Niagara Falls” tears coming out of my eyes! I haven’t laughed that hard, where I was begging for mercy… banging my hand on my desk, each time I could see well enough to read the next line! Thank goodness I work from home.
I will also have to say, you made my day!
“Bike racing is about two things: pain and revenge. If you go through so much pain that you want revenge, you’ve got it made.” – Bob Roll
BR – I think you just might fit this description!
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