Cyclepsychosis
Sound mental health is important to all of us. That being said, I felt compelled to share with you information I have learned about a disorder known as cyclepsychosis. Cyclepsychosis is a mental disorder in which the boundaries of the cycling and everyday worlds become blurred.
In its early stages, the victim may be heard calling out cracks in the sidewalks to fellow pedestrians. Other early symptoms include a compulsion to “stay on the wheel” of motorists ahead of them on the freeway. Inappropriate dressing may also be seen. For example, the afflicted may be seen in Icebreaker and windproof layers at a wedding….My God! I think a close friend of mine may be showing some early signs!
As the disorder progresses, social etiquette begins to deteriorate. Some examples include launching snot rockets in restaurants and changing clothes in the parking lot. In some instances, victims have been reported putting chamois butter on their toast.
In it’s final stages, fits of anxiety become easily triggered. There have been reports of anxiety being triggered by falling more than a bike length off the back of a pack of people walking in a mall. Panic attacks have also been triggered if the victim forgets to wear their heart rate monitor. In extreme cases, they may become insecure when they learn that they cannot clip into the pedals in their car.
Fortunately, there is a cure. If you feel that you or someone you love may be suffering from cyclepsychosis, please call 1-800-UNC-LIPP. Help is waiting.
Category: Big Ring
Hahahahah. How about when one wears ONLY cyling socks ALL the time. And yes, I mean all the time, including at weddings.
FYI -”sprinting to town signs” in the car is unappreciated by local police.
This was awesome. At Interbike this year, Carrie had us in a pace line as we were trying to walk briskly from the convention to the car. It was hilarious.
I don’t think I will ever look at toast the same way again!
I’ve always wanted a bumper sticker on the FRONT of the car that says “I’m not tailgating, I’m drafting”…
And the compulsion to form pacelines anywhere–and simulate attacks off the front of said paceline.
Oh, and I’ve actually bumped my arm on the car window when I went to point out a pothole for a car following me.