My sales manager’s facial features bear a striking resemblace to those of an ant-eater. His large pointy nose and close-set beady eyes would make one believe that he would be fully capable of snarfing up a few ants. For the purposes of this post, I shall refer to him as “Pest”. The late Warren Zevon’s famous lyric “His hair was perfect” would be an accurate description of Pest’s product filled hair. I can’t tell you how many times throughout the week I have to supress my urge to just run over and mess it up. Pest’s attire is, as you may suspect, composed of heavily starched oxfords, dramatically center-creased khakis, and heavily polished penny loafers. His need to have control does not stop with his hair and fabrics.
Unfortunately, Pest also has a strong desire to be in control of those around him. This little zealot’s intense micro-management can send your good mood sprialing into a smoking hole. His ability to get under one’s skin is uncanny. My distain for this little ant-eater peaked yesterday after a morning of pointed e-mail exchanges that gave way to a heated phone discussion. Pest would not be alive right now if our discussion had taken place face to face….For the remainder of the day, my mind raced with things that I wished that I had said or would be able to say to the little fella.
This morning I woke up and hopped on the RTN. STP’s Core was blaring in my I-Pod. Pest was on my mind. I began to pedal. Dreams of pommeling Pest into a sniveling pile of wrinkled shirt and messed up hair floated through my mind. Countless possible verbal scenarios came to mind as well. I want to keep this post G-rated so I will not disclose any details on these. To say that I was a little fired up would have been a gross understatement.My typical fixation on RTN’s display panel was replaced by fantasies of Pest control.
SUDDENLY my eyes focused on the RTN display. 14.89 miles covered. 41:24 time elapsed. I was about to shatter the previous RTN 15 mile record.No way. Seconds later, I broke the the previous record by 2 minutes with a time of 41:52.
In much the same way that penicillin was discovered by accident, I had discovered the ultimate athletic performance enhancer… Anger.
My suggestion to my fellow cyclists out there is this…
If you want to ride faster than you ever have before, spend some time with your Pest.
Your in Science,